Thanks for stopping by. Punch and pie will be served shortly. While we wait for those delectable desserts to arrive, perhaps you’re wondering who I am or why you should bother reading my outstanding, critically praised, rumored to be endorsed by the Queen of England novel “Growth & Change Are Highly Overrated.” If Marvel has taught me anything, it’s the importance of a good origin story. Therefore, here is the true tale of Tom Starita. Enjoy untangling this large ball of yarn.

“The Undeniably False, Yet Impossibly True Story of Tom Starita”

My birth was both expected and celebrated. Somewhere off Route 4 in the nether regions of Norman, Oklahoma, there is a sign proclaiming, “TOM Starita fell here,” but we’ll get to the reasons why later on. My mum, a young, twenty-two-year-old Scottish lass named Kathy, worked the counter at “Porky’s Pork Chop” diner. My father, Bill, a seventy-nine-year-old Australian immigrant, owned a rather successful brass mining company, aptly named “Bill’s Got Brass.” He chased after my mother for years, with little to no success due to two reasons—the first being a fifty-five-year gap in age. Second, my mum’s parents were vehemently opposed to their daughter dating an aborigine from the outback.

Despite the obstacles, Bill never gave up hope that one day this woman would bear his seed. Once a month for three years, Bill sent flowers, candy, balloons, singing telegrams, mime-o-grams, pajamas, the meat of the month club, named a star after her, buffalo heads, buffalo tails, and other exciting and enticing gifts with no luck whatsoever. It wasn’t until he sent a nine-pound box of potatoes, accidentally containing a brass fixture inside, that things began to change. Because they were firmly anti-Bill, my grandparents never inquired about what my father did for a living. The moment they realized he had access to unlimited brass and a large bank account, my grandfather drove Kathy over to his house in his 1975 Bristol 412, aka The Lemonhead.

Two weeks later, marriage.

Two months later, a positive stripe.

And on August 18th, 1978, all their alleged dreams and wishes were fulfilled. My soon to be parents were driving down Route 4 when Kathy felt the intense pressure associated with childbirth. Bill spotted a friendly patch of grass and pulled the car over to the side. There they were, alone, listless like a breakfast table in an otherwise empty room. There were no cell phones back then, nor any passing vehicles. It was up to my dad now to get the job done. Thankfully, his Australian heritage spoke to his soul. His people had delivered countless kangaroo births; this would be no different.

Tom’s Bio

Tom Starita is the author of two novels, “Two Ways to Sunday” and “Growth and Change Are Highly Overrated” and makes an impact on everyone he encounters. When asked for her thoughts about him, Oprah Winfrey said, “Who?” Tom Hanks refused to respond to an email asking for a quote and former Mets great Mookie Wilson once waved to him from a passing taxi.

Originally from Staten Island, NY Starita has now found a home in the beautiful beach community of Stratford, Connecticut with his wife Shannon and their dog Lola. He remains a loyal fan of the New York Mets.

Connect with Tom on his Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Bookbub | Amazon | Goodreads

About the Book

Growth & Change Are Highly Overrated by Tom Starita
Genre: Humor, Satire

Synopsis

Growth & Change Are Highly Overrated is a twist on the classic coming-of-age story that takes a unique and comic look at what we all fear— having to grow up and abandon our dreams.

For a charismatic man like Lucas James, life is a breeze because everyone else provides the wind. This adolescent front man for a mediocre cover band has been mooching off of his fiancée, Jackie, for years until she finally decides she’s had enough. Faced with reality and having no income to support his carefree lifestyle, Lucas James abandons his principles and gets a job working in the stockroom at “That Store.” How does he cope with this new found sense of responsibility?

He casually steals…

After a life spent bucking authority, how will Lucas James deal with his manager, ‘Victor the Dictator’? How long can he tolerate Ralph, a starry-eyed coworker who desires nothing more than to be best friends? Will Lori, a twenty-something cashier, be like everyone else and fall for his charms? Will he ever find a place to live? And is “growing up” just another way of saying “selling out”?

Add to your Goodreads shelf.

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